A bitter slice of American Pie.

There's something I've gotta say quickly before taking my International Law exam. The makers of the original American Pie movies are making a third sequel called American Pie: Band Camp. It contains none of the original core cast and instead follows Stifler's little brother at band camp. Oppression.

The great thing about the American Pie trilogy was that it follows the progression of growing up in America. It begins with the high school days of desperately trying to lose one's virginity. The story then progresses to the summer after freshman year of college and figuring out what you truly want from the opposite sex. American Wedding, while kind of lame, at least provided a capstone to the series with Jim finally marrying Michelle. The trilogy is a fun, humorous story that captures the awkward tension between sex and love. So why ruin the perfect progression with some lame Salute Your Shorts ripoff? No one from the original audience is going to run out and see this flick.

So here's my solution. Put the brakes on Band Camp, wait a few years, and finally release American Divorce. It'll be a scream. Jim gets kicked out by Michelle and has to crash on Finch's couch. Nadia comes back and tempts Jim into some kind of tryst. Stiffler is still the skirt-chasing, middle aged bachelor, and Kevin is the overworked attorney with five kids. Chris Klein is optional. Anyway, it would fit the natural progression of the series. You could even hook in the standard ending where Jim ultimately rejects Nadia and patches things up with Michelle.

Besides, if they make American Divorce, then they totally set the groundwork for American Funeral. Geez, doesn't anyone else think up this kind of thing? Get on it, Hollywood. What am I paying you for?!