The Subway Saga
What the hell happened to Subway? About a month ago I roll into the one downtown on Hennepin with a guy named Ian. Now usually I rock the Spicy Italian but I saw something advertized on a sign right above the sandwich artist's head that looked good.
"I'll get that."
She responds in the most disinterested voice possible, "Discontinued."
"But you still have the big ass ad up for it. It's right there."
No dice. "No. It's discontinued."
Whatever. I let Ian order while I tried to figure out what my second string choice would be. Over by the door they have another sign for a chicken parmesan sandwich that looked pretty good. I try to order that. The gal stares at me for a sec and announces, "We don't actually have that. The sign says it's 'coming soon.'" Not sure why Subway is running previews of upcoming sandwiches or why I can't order anything that they post big pictures of. They're just taunting me with all this stuff that they don't plan to let me order.
So now I have to put together a tertiary order for this ass clown...trying to guess what items that they've listed on the menu they might actually be capable of preparing. So finally I resort to the meatball sandwich, by far, the simplest sandwich known to man. Subway's willing to comply, but even then they didn't have any provolone. Matter of fact, they didn't have anything but cheddar and American. Oppression.
At this point, I'm severely depressed over my Subway experience. Here I was expecting this grand new sandwich and instead end up with a couple luke-warm clumps of meat and some mystery sauce plopped into a bun with the wrong kind of cheese. So I go to the register to pay and hand her my check card. She runs it through and sits there staring at the screen. "It says it's been reported stolen."
K, didn't see that one coming. I've occasionally gotten the "declined" bit because the system was down or something, but "stolen" is new. She let that hang there for about six or seven seconds while I start into the "Are you sure? Run it again" line before she says out of nowhere, "Naw, just kidding" and hands my card back.
The audacity of this chick. She denies two orders then thinks it'll be funny to tell me my card is showing up stolen? Totally uncalled for. I grab my sandwich that I didn't even friggin want and get the hell out.
But the chicken parmesan haunted me. I had to try this sum bitch. About a week later I went to another Subway in the building across from Highland Bank on my lunch break. I order the chicken parmesan and to my delight, this sandwich artist sees fit to actually put the sucker together. But not before the Subway Stasi figured out what's going on. I kid you not: another woman runs up, grabs the sandwich out of her hands and literally throws it into the trash can. They start yelling at each other in another language. The manager comes up to me and starts explaining to me in broken English that they can't make this sandwich for some reason. To this day I don't know why. But when the manager stopped berating this gal, I ordered something else. And I felt bad for this gal. All she did was try to make a damn sandwich. She started making this one, but then stopped, took off her hat and apron and stomped out.
I don't know why, but Doctors Associates, Inc. is determined to prevent me from eating the chicken parmesan. Who knows how far up the ladder this conspiracy reaches? What does Jared have to hide? To be continued.
"I'll get that."
She responds in the most disinterested voice possible, "Discontinued."
"But you still have the big ass ad up for it. It's right there."
No dice. "No. It's discontinued."
Whatever. I let Ian order while I tried to figure out what my second string choice would be. Over by the door they have another sign for a chicken parmesan sandwich that looked pretty good. I try to order that. The gal stares at me for a sec and announces, "We don't actually have that. The sign says it's 'coming soon.'" Not sure why Subway is running previews of upcoming sandwiches or why I can't order anything that they post big pictures of. They're just taunting me with all this stuff that they don't plan to let me order.
So now I have to put together a tertiary order for this ass clown...trying to guess what items that they've listed on the menu they might actually be capable of preparing. So finally I resort to the meatball sandwich, by far, the simplest sandwich known to man. Subway's willing to comply, but even then they didn't have any provolone. Matter of fact, they didn't have anything but cheddar and American. Oppression.
At this point, I'm severely depressed over my Subway experience. Here I was expecting this grand new sandwich and instead end up with a couple luke-warm clumps of meat and some mystery sauce plopped into a bun with the wrong kind of cheese. So I go to the register to pay and hand her my check card. She runs it through and sits there staring at the screen. "It says it's been reported stolen."
K, didn't see that one coming. I've occasionally gotten the "declined" bit because the system was down or something, but "stolen" is new. She let that hang there for about six or seven seconds while I start into the "Are you sure? Run it again" line before she says out of nowhere, "Naw, just kidding" and hands my card back.
The audacity of this chick. She denies two orders then thinks it'll be funny to tell me my card is showing up stolen? Totally uncalled for. I grab my sandwich that I didn't even friggin want and get the hell out.
But the chicken parmesan haunted me. I had to try this sum bitch. About a week later I went to another Subway in the building across from Highland Bank on my lunch break. I order the chicken parmesan and to my delight, this sandwich artist sees fit to actually put the sucker together. But not before the Subway Stasi figured out what's going on. I kid you not: another woman runs up, grabs the sandwich out of her hands and literally throws it into the trash can. They start yelling at each other in another language. The manager comes up to me and starts explaining to me in broken English that they can't make this sandwich for some reason. To this day I don't know why. But when the manager stopped berating this gal, I ordered something else. And I felt bad for this gal. All she did was try to make a damn sandwich. She started making this one, but then stopped, took off her hat and apron and stomped out.
I don't know why, but Doctors Associates, Inc. is determined to prevent me from eating the chicken parmesan. Who knows how far up the ladder this conspiracy reaches? What does Jared have to hide? To be continued.
posted by Your Friendly Neighborhood Clark Bar at 11/13/2005 10:00:00 PM
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8 Comments:
Clark,
I can tell you that the Chicken Parm is good. I've had one from a Subway in St. Paul and Moorhead. I guess it must just be you.
That sucks. Just stick with the meatball, that's my old favorite. RYC: Yes, I'm a huge Braves fan, have been for years. Why, do you like the Mets or something? If so, I'm sorry.
Thomas: http://tommylawyer.blogspot.com/2005/09/loathing-atlanta.html
Join me in my boycott of Subway.
We will not stop until "Doctors Associates, Inc." get's its sh*t together. Or at least gives us some free sandwiches.
They don't even have to go that far. Just give me what I order. I don't think that's asking all that much.
That is quite possibly one of the funniest things I've read in a while. I think you and I have the same type of bad luck with customer service reps even though we're supposedly "so persuasive" thanks to our debating skills. I couldn't even get the Dairy Queen person to switch an ice cream special they had into a cone. I told them I'd pay the difference. Nope.
I'm beginning to understand where the Old Man gets his disdain for service workers. I used to feel sorry for them when he would irrationally insist that his random demands be met. No more. ;o)
I think Subway has made a marketing decision to eliminate some of their low-end clientele - law students on budgets and other cheap people, like me. Subway used to have a chain-wide special of a different 6" hero each day for $2.49. The store nearest my office also had a special of a different 12" hero and a soda each day for about $5. About a month ago, my local store posted "New Management" signs and the 12" specials changed to 6", for the same price. I also noticed that the signs for the $2.49 specials are gone from all the stores.
This and the disappearance of the $0.99 Whopper on Family Night have driven me to eating salads.
Pretty soon my clothes won't fit and I'll be buying new ones.
Lean times ahead.
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