Continental penis envy

I laughed my ass off when I read about this. Apparently the big hit at Cannes this year is a film called Manderlay, directed by some Danish douche named Lars Von Triers. The film is about the system of pseudo-slavery that existed in the American South circa 1930.

It turns out that Lars isn’t all that fond of us ‘Merikins. Everywhere he turns in his duplex-sized homeland, he runs into American culture. It makes him so mad that he just had to go and make movies…about America. Makes sense, right?

Anyway, Lars ended up in the news here recently when he made a few choice comments about our President and nation in general.

"I feel there could just as well be an American military presence in Denmark. We are a nation under a very bad influence, because I think Bush is an asshole and doing a lot of really stupid things.”

Eh…The comparison between armed military occupation and a particular foreign culture catching on in a society because people voluntarily choose to partake in it is just a smack disingenuous, but whatever. And sure, Lars could have pointed to any number of foreign or domestic policy snafus that the Bush Administration has initiated over the last four years, but clearly calling him mean names is a much more intellectually stimulating option.

"America is sitting on the world and therefore I am making films about it. I'd say 60% of the things I have experienced in my life are American, so in fact I am an American. But I can't go there and vote. That's why I am making films about America."

Huh….You just can’t argue with that logic. I mean, after all, they must show American movies in Denmark. Kids probably wear blue jeans around. I bet people even eat the occasional Big Mac. Yeah, with Lars having to endure all of these horrible American influences, it is quite a shame that he can’t vote in America. Making movies that portray our culture as inherently evil as a result of institutions brought here by good ole Europeans is probably the best alternative. And naturally, since he’s making movies steeped in judgment of another culture, Lars did take the time to venture outside his parking lot of a nation to see the actual people he is portraying, right? Oh, that’s right. I guess not since he’s never freakin been here. Afraid to fly? Shell out and hop a boat, Lars.

This is where the irony comes in. Americans have been served up untold buckets of crap from Europeans for acting upon assumptions about other cultures without taking the time to learn about them. So maybe instead of celebrating Von Triers like some sort of courageous cultural critic, the European Intelligentsia should call him on his hypocrisy. You don’t like globalization. We get it. But no one’s putting a gun to your head and making you eat at friggin’ Jack in the Box. If there is a problem here, which I don’t believe there is, then it isn’t with the Americans who have spawned a culture that others have chosen largely to adopt. It’s with your fellow Danes. Go explain to them why they should continue wearing wooden shoes or whatever the hell you people do.

And at the very least, try and keep things in perspective. When it comes down to it, American influence on Danish and other European cultures is little more than fashion. What we all wear is fashion, what we watch is fashion and even what we eat is fashion. And fashion is always temporary. This isn’t even a problem worth complaining about. Comparing this to military occupation or to slavery as seems to be implied through Manderlay only detracts from the gravity of actual tragedies. This country has fought wars against both and dealt with the repercussions for decades. Don’t lecture us from your homogeneous tool shed/country about how we haven’t confronted these issues.