Ten worst MLB unies of all time
This was originally going to be a post about why alternate jerseys are ruining Major League Baseball, but I ultimately decided to go much broader. Here’s my list of the ten worst uniforms in professional baseball (ten best to come):
1889 Brooklyn Bridegrooms. Just the other day I was talking to Jason Iacovino about how someone out there in the MLB should throw some Tennessee Vols-style checkers on a uni. Scratch that. Horrible idea. Now, it’s true that you’ve gotta take the late 19th century uniforms with a grain of salt, fashion trends being what they were and all, but look at the guy. First, the cap looks like he stole it from an officer in the imperial army out of Star Wars. Second, the string-lace up the center with the bow at the top? I mean, the collar was pretty common back then…You plain couldn’t but shirts without one so I can’t fault that, but when it comes down to it, this guy looks like he’d be more comfortable whaling with Captain Ahab.
1969 Seattle Pilots. Thank God these guys moved to Milwaukee. The Pilots had kind of a dumb uniform in the first place, but the hat’s the sole reason for sticking them in the top ten. To my knowledge, this is the last time anyone tried sticking any prissy shit on the bill of a baseball cap. Fortunately the trend was short-lived since the Pilots were only in Seattle for a year.
1956 Cincinnati Reds. This actually isn’t a bad uniform, but this is the season they dropped the word “Reds” from their jersey in the midst of the Red Scare. There’s some team pride for ya. I’m surprised they didn’t change the team name itself. The Cincy Capitulators has a nice ring to it.
1992 Florida Marlins. Waaaay too much teal. I understand that Miami was excited to finally join professional baseball, but designing their uniforms in Miami Vice pastels was a poor choice. This is just plain unhealthy. Fortunately, the FDA intervened in ’94 and balanced some black in there.
1977 Boston Red Sox. This was the year they abandoned the classic navy blue hat in favor of this two tone BS. Fortunately they went back in 1979, but that was also the year that they nixed the old-style writing on the away jersey in favor of plain old block shit that looks like it was ironed on. Bill Buckner wouldn’t have caused that error in ’86 if it hadn’t been for that. Truth.
2005 Atlanta Braves. OK, what’s with the solid jersey crap? It’s bad enough when generic clubs like the padres are doing it, but the Braves just look freakin’ ridiculous with these red jerseys. The only reason Turner has them doing this is to sell more jerseys, just like they’ve been doing in basketball and football for a few years now. What only adds insult to injury is the new A on the hat. You can’t tell well with this picture but they stuck a tomahawk on the horizontal line in the A. It looks asinine. If I weren’t busy blogging, I’d write a letter.
2005 Boston Red Sox. This sucks for all the same reasons as the Braves’ alternates, but they get even more shit points for doing it as a founding member of the American League. For shame.
1977 Pittsburg Pirates. There are some teams in history that have pulled off the full solid uniform. The ’77 Pirates are not one of them. The yellow’s the worst part of it. You’d think that the Padres might have learned something before putting on those splooge-cream colored jerseys, but I digress. The striping on the hat doesn't help much either.
1976 Chicago White Sox. The Chisox only wore these for one game as noted on the link, but they’re still worthy of contention. Honestly, I thought that they looked like softball players at first. I can’t even imagine why someone would think shorts would be a good idea in baseball, let alone seventies-style short shorts. Can you imagine sliding into second with these things on? You couldn’t be able to sit comfortably on the bench for at least a week after doing that.
1997 Anaheim Angels. The saddest uniform in baseball. See, this is the problem with naming your team the Angels. First, you let that halo adorn the “A”. Then you get some wings on the logo. Before you know it, you’ve got some wispy clouds, a harp, and your red bleeds into pink. Fortunately, new ownership stopped the hemorrhaging in its tracks and switched back to the strict red-and-white with the classic Anaheim A.
1889 Brooklyn Bridegrooms. Just the other day I was talking to Jason Iacovino about how someone out there in the MLB should throw some Tennessee Vols-style checkers on a uni. Scratch that. Horrible idea. Now, it’s true that you’ve gotta take the late 19th century uniforms with a grain of salt, fashion trends being what they were and all, but look at the guy. First, the cap looks like he stole it from an officer in the imperial army out of Star Wars. Second, the string-lace up the center with the bow at the top? I mean, the collar was pretty common back then…You plain couldn’t but shirts without one so I can’t fault that, but when it comes down to it, this guy looks like he’d be more comfortable whaling with Captain Ahab.
1969 Seattle Pilots. Thank God these guys moved to Milwaukee. The Pilots had kind of a dumb uniform in the first place, but the hat’s the sole reason for sticking them in the top ten. To my knowledge, this is the last time anyone tried sticking any prissy shit on the bill of a baseball cap. Fortunately the trend was short-lived since the Pilots were only in Seattle for a year.
1956 Cincinnati Reds. This actually isn’t a bad uniform, but this is the season they dropped the word “Reds” from their jersey in the midst of the Red Scare. There’s some team pride for ya. I’m surprised they didn’t change the team name itself. The Cincy Capitulators has a nice ring to it.
1992 Florida Marlins. Waaaay too much teal. I understand that Miami was excited to finally join professional baseball, but designing their uniforms in Miami Vice pastels was a poor choice. This is just plain unhealthy. Fortunately, the FDA intervened in ’94 and balanced some black in there.
1977 Boston Red Sox. This was the year they abandoned the classic navy blue hat in favor of this two tone BS. Fortunately they went back in 1979, but that was also the year that they nixed the old-style writing on the away jersey in favor of plain old block shit that looks like it was ironed on. Bill Buckner wouldn’t have caused that error in ’86 if it hadn’t been for that. Truth.
2005 Atlanta Braves. OK, what’s with the solid jersey crap? It’s bad enough when generic clubs like the padres are doing it, but the Braves just look freakin’ ridiculous with these red jerseys. The only reason Turner has them doing this is to sell more jerseys, just like they’ve been doing in basketball and football for a few years now. What only adds insult to injury is the new A on the hat. You can’t tell well with this picture but they stuck a tomahawk on the horizontal line in the A. It looks asinine. If I weren’t busy blogging, I’d write a letter.
2005 Boston Red Sox. This sucks for all the same reasons as the Braves’ alternates, but they get even more shit points for doing it as a founding member of the American League. For shame.
1977 Pittsburg Pirates. There are some teams in history that have pulled off the full solid uniform. The ’77 Pirates are not one of them. The yellow’s the worst part of it. You’d think that the Padres might have learned something before putting on those splooge-cream colored jerseys, but I digress. The striping on the hat doesn't help much either.
1976 Chicago White Sox. The Chisox only wore these for one game as noted on the link, but they’re still worthy of contention. Honestly, I thought that they looked like softball players at first. I can’t even imagine why someone would think shorts would be a good idea in baseball, let alone seventies-style short shorts. Can you imagine sliding into second with these things on? You couldn’t be able to sit comfortably on the bench for at least a week after doing that.
1997 Anaheim Angels. The saddest uniform in baseball. See, this is the problem with naming your team the Angels. First, you let that halo adorn the “A”. Then you get some wings on the logo. Before you know it, you’ve got some wispy clouds, a harp, and your red bleeds into pink. Fortunately, new ownership stopped the hemorrhaging in its tracks and switched back to the strict red-and-white with the classic Anaheim A.
Labels: Sports
posted by Your Friendly Neighborhood Clark Bar at 5/28/2005 07:14:00 PM
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2 Comments:
I agree that Anaheim had the worst uniforms ever, but for a very different reason.
You're probably not going to remember this but there was a Disney flick called "Angels in the Outfield" that came out that came out two years before the uniform change.
After Disney got their grubby paws on the "Mighty Ducks" (don't get me started) they decided to try to make the team on the field the team from the movie. It was a PR disaster and now appears as it's own chapter in a textbook called The PR Bible which, labels it "the ultimate in corporate sell-out apparel."
Well, Wilcox, I don't have the scientific studies to back me up on this, but I do believe that is due to the ballplayer's evolutionary development of balls of steel. I'll get on with elaboration but there are pressing cases and pressing posts to get on with.
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