Rename everything in the NBA.

Lakers in LA, where there are no lakes. Grizzlies in Memphis, where there are no Grizzlies. Jazz in Utah where they only allow Lawrence Welk.

The NBA has been contorted by roving teams with no allegiances over the last few decades. Teams are somehow allowed to keep localized names when they thumb their noses at the cities that supported them and move to new homes. How absurd is it that the Minneapolis Lakers were allowed to retain their mascot when they moved to the coast? This disaster should have been remedied decades ago.

So here's what I propose. The Lakers get to become the LA Lattes. Their colors will be orange and white this year (because orange is the new pink) but will change every subsequent year in accordance with whatever fashion trends happen to come along.

The Utah Jazz retain their musical flavor when they change to the Utah Tabernacle. Colors are unimportant, but team members will be required to wear long sleeved shirts and pants on the court. A little modesty is in order, gentlemen.

And I know it's not their fault, but Seattle no longer holds legitimate claim to the Super Sonics name. Boeing left a few years ago for Chicago. I'd suggest the Drizzle or Courtney Loves. Yeah, Courtney Loves. That would give Seattle the most intimidating mascot in the entire league hands down.

Then the Grizzlies can become the Memphis Mafia (after Elvis' entourage) and change their logo to the TCB, the Kings can become the Governators (we only have primogenitor monarchies in Washington), and just for good measure, Golden State loses the Warriors. The folks who brought us Ralph Nader and Cindy Sheehan have no right to that moniker. And quite frankly, I don't know what I'd replace that name with. Go chain yourself to the White House fence until sometime strikes your fancy, California.