Screw Felt. I am Deep Throat.

Yeah, that’s right. This whole thing you’re hearing about Woodward and Bernstein announcing W. Mark Felt, the former second-in-command at the FBI, as the famous Watergate informant, is complete and utter fantasy.

First of all, Felt didn’t know crap. The guy wasn’t even working out of the White House. He’s over in FBI. How is he going to know details from the inside? Now you might be asking yourself a couple questions. First, you might be thinking that even though Felt wasn’t in the same position as other Deep Throat suspects like Fred Fielding, he would still have greater access to information than Brett Clark. Second, you might also be wondering how a person who was not born until October of 1980 could gain and disclose such information in 1973. The answer is simple. I was very mature for my age.

The guy who advised Bob Woodward that Howard Hunt was definitely involved with the break-in? Me. And it was my idea for Bob to put out the red flag in the flower pot as a sign that he wanted to meet. Felt didn’t have the creativity for a scheme like that.
So the fanfare, the glory, and the hatred are all misplaced. But all things considered, I’m going to let Felt take the credit on this one. Hell, I don’t need Gordon Liddy on my ass…