What's in a name...

I complain about the names of athletic teams....A lot. Much more than any normal person would care to. From the genuine lack of creativity in naming farm teams in Montana or franchise theft in Minnesota, most of these complaints carry one common characteristic: local charm.

Unless you're satisfied with something lame like the "Lions" or the "Bears," any city, state, university, high school or law firm softball squad should choose a name that is unique to it specifically. The University of Hawaii can be the Rainbow Warriors because they're the only state comfortable enough in its collective sexuality to bandy about a football team with such a sissy handle. Ohio State can keep the Buckeyes because no one outside of Ohio could tell you what a buckeye is.

I'm proud to say that across the spectrum of sports, Minnesota's been loyal to itself consistently in choosing mascots. The Minnesota Twins represent the Twin Cities. The original Minnesota Lakers evidence the fact that Minnesota has lakes like the Sahara has sand. The Vikings are a tribute to the state's predominantly Scandinavian heritage. The North Stars? Self evident. But the state's motto also happens to be "L'Étoile du Nord" ("Star of the North"). Basically, Minnesota's athletic teams are all tributes to the state itself. That was all true until six years ago when NHL Hockey finally returned to Minnesota in the form of the Minnesota......"Wild."

Now Minnesota has many great characteristics, but being "wild" is not one of them. I understand that this is a tip of the hat to the more rural scenery in the northern half of the state, but come on....Who are we fooling? We can't get away with that. The entire country smirks whenever they say the name. If we're going to go balls out with one of those rare non-plural names, we should at least make it accurate. I propose they change the name to the Minnesota Nice. Maybe they could use that Walmart smiley face as a logo. It's more fitting. By no means is the Nice an intimidating mascot, but the inaccurate ones are just plain annoying. You wouldn't name a team in Seattle the Suns, would you? Or one in southern California the Lakers? Besides, this just might be the key to giving a lackluster team an upbeat, positive start to their next season.