Observations from 4th of July weekend

I made a few observations this weekend while shopping with Mayo Nurse in Rochester that I thought I might share.

1. The plastic bracelets are out of control.

This was a good idea that got way out of control. At first it was just the whole yellow Lance Armstrong LIVE STRONG bracelets. The money goes to a good cause and shows solidarity with those who suffer from cancer. Fine idea. But just as the WWJD bracelets eventually turned into backpacks, coffee mugs, thongs, etc., the little colored bracelet for a cause has proliferated out of control. As soon as they had the yellow bracelets for testicular cancer, they naturally had to come out with the pink ones for breast cancer. Then there's the white one for third world poverty, the blue one for disappointed Kerry voters, the red one for Bush voters who don't like Kerry voters, the black ones for POWs, rainbow colored ones for gay rights and orange for...promotion of the color orange? I don't even know anymore.

Anyway, the point I'm making is that the bracelet bit has been totally hijacked. It's nothing more than a fashion statement now. My buddy Yaks has been telling me this for months now, but I always shrugged him off as being a pessimist. Not after seeing people like this chick at Footlocker.



















Now this gal really cares. Four frickin' bracelets. I wish I had her heart of gold. And what the hell is the green one for, anyway? I can't even tell what causes these people are supposedly supporting anymore.

2. George Lucas is a pimp and Darth Vader is his whore.




















It's really sad to see one of the greatest villains of all time used to sell everything in the supermarket. I don't want to see his face on my frickin' Poptarts, okay? Slap R2D2's face on there or even Chewbacca but please, some things are sacred. I swear, I saw Vader on a box of Cheese Nips the other day. What's next, George? Is Darth going to be selling Playtex?

And speaking of Poptarts...

3. This is how patriotic I am.


















Some of you might put a flag on your porch for the Fourth of July. Some might wear red, white and blue clothing. I even see people wearing those ridiculous cat-in-the-hat style caps with red lights flashing all over it. None of you can touch my patriotism this year because I am eating the most patriotic breakfast imaginable: red, white and blue Poptarts. That way, I can wake up in the morning and express my defiance of King George even while I'm eating the most important meal of the day.